Her letter

Thu, October 15, 2009 1:03:41 AM
Subject: To Amy...

So I have to tell you something. I need to be completely honest with you. Not that I have ever lied to you because i haven't. I have real feelings for you, I have now for ten years and now that you feel the same my feelings have become deeper. I let you know that I told Teresa about our feelings for eachother. Before I told her she had been distant from me, almost cold. But ever since then she has trying to be close to me. Going to the gym, movies, reading books, eating out. I have tried so hard to keep things normal with her. She told me how stupid she was for caring so much what her friends and family thought of me and that was something I have been wanting to hear for years. Do I still love her? Yes. Do i want to still be with her? I dont know but i felt it necessary to be honest with you. I dont want you to get hurt, I dont want to be the one that hurts you. I have always tried to be there for you and right now I know I have feelings for both of you. With Teresa I have a history and such a strong love for her I almost find myself being pulled to her sometimes like gravity. With you...you are the first girl I ever wanted to be with. The first girl that I loved talking to. And now that there is a possibility of us being together I want it so bad. I feel like there is the possibility of us having a wonderful life together, we have so much in common, so many things to share. I have helped you out so much and genuinely so with no intentions of any of this happening but it has happened and i am happy it has. Touching you, kissing you, holding you feels so good. I spend my days going over all these emotions, everyday. I have come to one conclusion...there is no wrong choice and yet someone has to get hurt and either way i cant regret anything. I would be lying to you if I said it didnt bug me that you are still married to that jerk. It never leaves my mind that Rand is the most important person in your life, rightfully so, and yet you do deserve to be happy. I dont want to complicate your life or add stress, I know it relaxes you and makes you happy to talk to me. God I want you to be happy, I know you would be happy with me. That being said I have no idea what to do but like I said I thought you had the right to know the whole situation. You said you really like me. I know that means you want to be with me but i guess what im getting at is I need more. I need to know your feelings for me, I need to know if you believe we could make it, I need to know if you see us being together and if so where will we be in 6 months, in a year? And if this is all too much for you I understand if you decide to back away from me and just stay friends. Again you needed to know all this so you can have some type of say or at least know exactly how I feel. I dont want to see you hurt and I guess in a way I dont want to get hurt either. I care deeply for you...I...